Club Meetings:

From 2020 these ‘Meeting Notes‘ will only be updated periodically. Information about Club Meetings is now available on the Club’s Facebook pages and YouTube channel. 


2019 meetings

7th November 2019

The meeting was chaired by President Sue and we were also joined by the District President – Graeme and his partner Judi. The first speaker was Emma who gave a riveting speech about the pursuit of dreams and never giving up. Carl then spoke about the moon landing and examined the emotions which would have been felt by the astronauts during their epic journey. Graeme followed this with an update on the latest plans and initiatives of the ASC at both district and national level. After the break we held the annual Topics Competition with the subject being ‘walking on the beach’. This produced lots of imaginative ideas from the contestants involving dog-walking, flotsam & jetsam, flip-flops, the pleasures of sand under one’s feet and solo holidays. Well done to all and congratulations to Brian whose winning effort described some faraway beaches on which walking is not advisable. A big thanks to Graeme for judging and evaluating, to Sue for smoothly taking on multiple roles and to the other judges, evaluators, timekeeper and usher for helping to make the evening most enjoyable. Congratulations to Laura for winning the Evaluator’s Cup.

17th October 2019

The meeting was chaired by DavidD who spoke of a river of beer flooding down a London street on this date many years ago. JohnR followed by speaking about the pleasures and perils of DIY, covering aspects which many of the audience identified with. Sue then entertained us with some humorous comparisons between dying and flying, using cleverly worded descriptions which caused much amusement. Finally, Chris gave an informative speech about robotics in the sheep industry concerning GPS monitoring, ear tags and heart monitoring techniques. Yola chaired a lively Topics session using book titles to encourage ideas such as making apple-dolls, deodorising skunks  and cultivating beautiful weed gardens. We also heard about motorised parrots, roof-dwelling squirrels, how velcro can help horses do yoga and how tractors can be loved. A very enjoyable session. Congratulations to Sarah-Jane for winning the Evaluator’s Cup.

6th October 2019

The meeting was chaired by DavidP who linked the evening together with amusing observations. Chris chaired a workshop on evaluation in which he compared some aspects of the process with sowing seeds. Dorothy followed this with some comical anecdotes about airport departure procedures and Brian then enlightened us all on how the 19th century inventor Nikola Tesla originated countless technical innovations which are used today.  Sarah-Jane chaired the Topics session using a car bumper sticker theme which prompted lots of comical discourse about unicorns, teenagers, maturity, nuclear war, budgets, rich men and coffee and how agreeing sometimes makes you both wrong. Congratulations to JohnC for winning the Evaluator’s Cup.

19th September 2019

The meeting was chaired by JohnM and the first speaker was Sarah-Jane who cleverly analysed the pros & cons of decriminalising illicit substances. JohnC then gave an amusing talk about Einstein’s glamorous time in America after publishing his laws of relativity. This was followed by Carl who enlightened us all on some of the educational opportunities available within the club and the ASC. Julie chaired the Topics session in which speakers had to imagine they were various objects and this produced some comical and imaginative ideas involving watches, bikes, space travel, plastic bowls, mosquitoes and sumo wrestling. Congratulations to Carl for winning the Evaluator’s Cup.

5th September 2019

The first meeting of the 2019/20 season was opened by President Sue and chaired by JohnC. The first speaker was Yola who gave an enthralling speech about shapes of disability which are not physically apparent. Julie followed this with an intriguing account of communicating via sign language and gestures, regardless of spoken word and language. Yola returned to the lectern and ran a useful Q&A session about the various social media facilities that are now available to the club. DaveD chaired the Topics session which focussed on local issues such as congestion, climate change and housing. This encouraged some innovative suggestions ranging from demolition, landscaping and bikes to visions of restoring windmills and canals to attract jobs and young people.  Congratulations to Yola and Julie for passing their assignments.

20th June 2019

In the absence of President Sue (on holiday in the sun), Carl – our outgoing VP – welcomed us to the final meeting of our 2018-19 season before handing over the chair to Sarah-Jane, our 2019-20 Vice President. Kevin chaired the Novels Competition which was won by DaveD with his comical storybook entry and the runner-up was Brian with his tale of a murderer’s comeuppance. Sarah-Jane chaired the ‘Presidents Revels’ session which uncovered a range of imaginary (presumably) secrets of fellow club members ranging from hippies, hairdressing, food preps and cosy cinema dates to fake tans, Swedish encounters, sheep graffiti, hitch-hiking, grasshoppers, telly-tubbies and soap licking. The evening ended with a friendly social session. The next season commences on 5th September 2019.

6th June 2019

DavidD chaired the meeting, which began with the AGM. Annual reports were read out and nominees were elected for the 2019-20 season. Sarah-Jane then gave a very entertaining speech about storybook characters being diagnosed with excessive behavioural symptoms. DavidP ran the Topics session on how to explain traditional British items and customs to an alien. This encouraged imaginative descriptions of the London underground, morris dancing, the BBC and the union jack, followed by the culinary delights of fish & chips, haggis, Cornish pasties and cups of tea, ending with a vivid description of the Queen. Kevin won the evaluator’s cup at the end of an enjoyable evening.

16th May 2019

The meeting (chaired by JohnM) began with Brian being presented with the ASC’s advanced level diploma for completing the advanced assignments. Our visitors included George from Cheltenham SC and the first speaker was Yola who entertainingly explained the criteria to look for when choosing a puppy. Laura then made suggestions on how to benefit from the advantages of social media without suffering a decay in social skills, followed by DavidP who shared some very useful tips and advice on how to become a better listener. Kevin gave an educational briefing prior to chairing the Topics session which included some lively talks on subjects ranging from transportation, news and sport to education, employment and leisure. Thanks to all. 

2nd May 2019

The meeting was chaired by William and the first speaker was JohnR who explored some interesting aspects of time travel. This was followed by Sarah-Jane weighing up the pros and cons of shops versus online shopping and then Trevor gave a motivational speech advising us to always keep moving forward. Brian chaired the Topics session using a system of random word selection which conjured up some imaginative and amusing disourse. Yola and Trevor were presented with their A1 badges. Well done to all.

4th April 2019

William chaired the meeting. Sarah-Jane gave a speech about the coral reefs and Kevin spoke about the different types of humour. Sue gave a workshop talk on Evaluation and Alex chaired the Topics session with a theme of transport. Wendy won the evaluators cup.

21st March 2019

David P chaired the meeting. Alex spoke about sailing in the Caribbean and William spoke about glossophobia. Brian then completed his C10 story-telling assignment and DavidD chaired the Topics session with a theme of ‘emotions’. JohnR won the evaluators cup.

7th March 2019

The annual Speech Competition was won by KevinG. Runners-up were Sarah-JaneR and JulieN.  Sue passed her level A7 assignment. Congratulations to all. 

21st February 2019

Chris chaired the meeting which started with an intriguing speech given by DavidP who described a quest to discover the truth behind a historic event involving a military water tower.

JohnM chaired the annual Evaluation competition with Brian giving a memorable ‘target’ speech about  peace-keeping issues in war zones. The standard was high and the eventual winner was Sue, with  Kevin & Julie as runners-up. Congratulations to each of them and well done to all who competed.

Sue then chaired the Topics session which required participants to take on the persona of items in a fridge. The results were hilarious as we heard the fate of fried eggs, plucked tomatoes, cooked chicken and sliced cheese melted on toast.

Thanks to evaluators Kevin & Chris, to timekeepers Brian & JohnR, to judges Chris, JohnC & Carl and to Laura the usher.  [JMcG]

7th February 2019

Carl chaired the meeting which began with JohnMc highlighting awareness of the club’s upcoming 40th anniversary in 2020. Yola then gave a fascinating speech about how coffee, fruit picking and back-packing around the world influenced her future lifestyle. Sarah-Jane followed this by giving us an alternative insight into the environment of a fish such as Disney’s Nemo having to cope with the dangers of chemical pollution in tap water and in the oceans.

A brief but very useful workshop on microphone techniques was presented by Brian in response to a request at the recent ‘Open Mic’ night. Aron chaired the Topics session using a theme of ‘BBC Question Time’ during which we were treated to some vibrant views on global warming, online shopping, knife crime, corporate salaries, CCTV security, equal pay for men & women and the legalisation of cannabis. All subjects were handled tactfully and with good humour.

Thanks to Aron and Brian for timekeeping and to Dorothy, Sue, Kevin and JohnMc for evaluating. A big thanks to Brian for doing the workshop, congratulations to Yola on passing her A1 and to Aron for winning the evaluator’s cup. [JMcG]

17th January 2019

Tonight’s meeting was chaired by JohnM and began with a riveting A7 speech by Kevin exploring the changing face of the Dr Who series as it has tried to keep pace with the times.

This was followed by the annual Open Mic session. There were thirteen participants and their performances included readings of Tennyson’s dramatic ‘Charge of the Light Brigade’ poem, Edward Thomas’ moving ‘Adlestrop’ poem about serenity and a new poem about not being a victim, which was written by one of our own club members and recited by her. We heard stories about wet seats on an aeroplane and the dangers of extortion and kidnapping when avocado farming in Mexico. There followed informative talks about Swindon’s origins, Wiltshire railways and the attractions of an imminent social media training event in Bath. There was comedy with amusing anecdotes about collecting supermarket bags and jokes about Barbie dolls, chickens & frogs. We enjoyed a refreshing introductory talk from a guest from the National Trust and some valuable Tibetan life lessons about not living life backwards. This led nicely into an interactive experiment involving magical stones which demonstrated how gravity can be channelled towards improving life quality. We were then treated to a rousing rendition of ‘Anthem’ from the musical ‘Chess’ which was sang in acapella fashion and received much applause from the audience.

Thanks to DavidD for timekeeping and to Sue & JohnM for evaluating. Congratulations to Kevin for passing his A7 level assignment and for winning the Evaluators Cup. [JMcG]

3rd January 2019

Our first meeting of the year was chaired by JohnR and included an A5 certificate presentation, a C1 speech, 2 new guests and a visitor from Cardiff SC.

We began with Alex’s intriguing description of his encounters with loose rocks and ropes whilst hill-walking & mountaineering. Brian’s C1-level ‘impromptu speech’ included vibrant descriptions of coping with driverless cars and their potential hazards.

Laura then gave a presentation on cosmetics and colouration for a product launch, ending with a lively Q&A session.

The topics session was chaired by Kevin with ‘countries’ as the theme. We heard about the Japanese rising sun, sushi, hot tubs and snow monkeys, followed by Argentinian coffee, sambas and beautiful people parading on Copacabana beach. There were amusing memories of Australian immigration packages, career opportunities, Skippy the kangaroo and the early demise of the singer from INXS. Then followed visions of South Africa with images of the Lion King, diamonds, vineyards, safaris and Nelson Mandela. The final speaker recalled German beer festivals, pork kebabs, leather shorts and a football match.
The session was entertaining and Kevin’s links were most informative. Thanks to timekeeper Dorothy and evaluators JohnM, Carl, JohnR, Sue and Gwilym (Cardiff SC).

Congratulations to Brian for passing his C1, Kevin for his A5 certificate and to Laura for winning the Evaluators Cup. [JMcG]

2018 meetings

20th December 2018

Festive hats & pullovers were evident at the Christmas meeting, plus some delicious mince-pies kindly provided by Laura.

The chair was JohnM and the first speaker was Sarah-Jane who enthralled everyone with her moving speech about the highs and lows of living in the fast lane.

Julie followed this by sharing her knowledge of useful relaxation techniques such as water intake and correct breathing. We then heard Kevin’s vibrant and amusing description of how Santa Claus coped on a night when something went wrong.

The President’s Revels session involved four teams inventing impromptu story lines about a boozy Christmas party in a toy factory, children demanding presents the night before Christmas, a lavish seasonal sunshine break in Cyprus and Santa rescuing some Amazon presents which were locked in a car boot. All were very entertaining stories and the winning team won some chocolates provided by President Sue.

A big ‘Thank you’ to timekeeper DaveP who kept things moving. Thanks also to the evaluators Carl, JohnC, Chris and Laura and well done Chris for winning the Evaluators Cup.   Merry Christmas & a Happy New Year to all.  [JMcG]

6th December 2018

Dorothy chaired the meeting, starting with some business items and a range of humorous observations.

DavidD gave a preview of a work presentation which he’ll soon be delivering in front of an audience.

Carl followed this with a thought-provoking speech about the behaviours and traits which make humans different to animals.

An amusing Topics session was chaired by Alex who chose a superhero theme triggering stories of Superman’s woollen cape, Aquaman’s underwater exploits, a jogger dressed as Ironman and the Invisible Woman slaving in the kitchen. We heard how The Hulk was too aggressive, that Spiderman’s webs helped him economise on car expenses and that Aladdin enjoyed riding on shag-pile carpets. Antman was praised for his efforts in team building and one speaker revealed that Flash was actually his neighbour who enjoyed speed-cleaning the house.

Thanks to George (from Cheltenham SC), JohnM, Brian and Orsolya for evaluating and to Kevin for timekeeping. Well done Sarah-Jane for winning the evaluators cup.  [JMcG]

15th November 2018

Brian stood in at the last minute to chair the meeting and shared a variety of fascinating facts throughout the evening.

DaveP spoke about sightings of a military item across the world, Kevin gave an instructive speech on theatrical processes relating to Shakespeare, after which Orsolya spoke of her experiences with Ninja heroes.

Dorothy chaired the Topics session with tales of drunken Dukes, French roses and lost boats. There were also comical stories of black sheep, children’s school journeys and an account of Polly & Sukey arguing over a kettle.

Well done to DaveP for winning the evaluators cup. Thanks to the evaluators Kevin, Sue, Wendy & JohnM and to Orsolya for timekeeping.    [JMcG]

18th October 2018

Past-President Wendy opened the meeting in Sue’s absence, introducing Kevin who chaired the meeting with humour, enlightening us with the meanings of clutches, clowders and murmurations before introducing a lively and informative talk by Brian on the use of microphones. 

Laura then spoke about the art of storytelling and the attractions of the written word, followed by  JohnR inviting the audience to choose periods of history which they would visit as a time-traveller, then describing what it they might discover. 

JohnR also ran the Topics session which involved comparing the pros & cons of Christmas, car purchase, colonising mars or the moon and choosing between a visit to Disneyland or the Northern Lights.

Thanks to timekeeper & evaluators DavidD, JohnM, ChrisF and Wendy.  [JMcG]

4th October 2018

Tonight’smeeting was chaired by JohnM and started with Dorothy giving a talk about cancer treatment. This was followed by a lively workshop  with Carl giving tips on the use of props andWendy advising on the use of notes.

The Topics session centred around food and included porridge, pies, toast and salads enhanced with delights such as nasturtiums, chocolate, custard and beetroot. Spicy noodles competed with breakfast baps and eggy-bread whilst exotic tastes were catered for in the form of plateaux de fromage and lobster laced with garlic butter. A delicious meeting!

Thanks to timekeeper Chris and evaluators DavidD and JohnR. [JMcG] .

20th September 2018

Wendy chaired the meeting with lots of amusing links.

Alex spoke about the energetic delights of orienteering and then Kevin analysed the concept of fake news and of announcing contentious news.

Orsolya concluded the speech session with a fantasy item involving the use of magic in warfare.

DavidD chaired the Topics session using a folk story theme which produced some imaginative stories involving wolves, sheep, bears and Rumpelstiltskin having his head blown off by a musket. There were tales of Red Riding Hood shopping for shoes in Swindon High Street, a colourful description of Rapunzel’s long hair and how beauty holds the power of love. The ugly duckling’s constant grumbling branded him as a criminal and the Princess’s pea grew into Jack’s beanstalk as he flew over it in an aeroplane.

Orsolya won the Evaluator’s cup in what was a very entertaining meeting.  [JMcG]

6th September 2018

The first meeting of the season was very lively with several new faces and role changes.

Brian chaired the evening smoothly and with humour, first introducing an enlightening speech from Chris about teamwork.

This was followed by an entertaining Topics session chaired by Kevin who cleverly linked it all together. We were treated to some intriguing anecdotes on a variety of subjects including books, radio stations, green hair, lady-boys, Liverpool football, violins and anatomical awareness.

A most enjoyable and refreshing meeting.  [JMcG]

21st June 2018

The final meeting of the season included an A3 speech, the annual Novels Competition and the President’s Revels ‘fun session’. 

JohnM chaired the evening which started with Carl – our outgoing President – entertaining everyone with a selection of unusual vocabulary quirks before handing over the mantle and regalia to our new President – Sue.

Kevin then gave a humorous speech about his pet hates which included noisy neighbours and having to listen to worn out phrases used persistently, especially by the media.

Brian chaired the Novels Competition during which we heard fascinating stories about space travel, an empire of zombies, a banking scam and a favourite toy which was about to be abandoned. In a close-run contest JohnC was the eventual winner with Kevin a close second.

The President’s Revels session took the form of teams competing to work out items described by the other teams. Subjects included sport, TV comedy programmes and arts & crafts with everyone taking part and bringing the season to a lively and friendly finale.

Thanks to everyone for participating this evening and to everyone who has attended meetings over the past year. We look forward to seeing you all when we resume in September. [JMcG]

7th June 2018

Tonight’s meeting was chaired by Carl, including the AGM during which the programme for next season was discussed and the 2018-19 season’s officers were elected. Details will be in the minutes.

Laura gave her A1 speech – appropriately called ‘Winging it’ – which was very topical and relevant in analysing some of the challenges encountered when speaking in front of an audience. She then deservedly received her A1 lapel badge.

Carl chaired the final Topics session of the season using a holiday theme.

The first speaker told a cautionary tale of an exotic Caribbean holiday which resulted in a hospital nightmare whilst the next speaker advised that a trip to Glasgow provided much more enjoyment than sea and sand holidays.

This was followed by anecdotes about cruise ships, browsing through artwork on the decks and mingling with monkeys in Gibraltar. There were further tales of adventure involving lightweight gliders, planes and surviving on coconuts whilst waiting to be rescued from a desert island.

Another speaker who relished danger told of the perils of driving through Death Valley and attracting wild bears with food offerings. The session ended with a story of searching for elephants in Sri Lanka and encountering leopards drinking in water holes. Quite a selection of unusual holiday experiences which were all told in a most entertaining manner.

Thanks to Wendy & JohnM for evaluating and time-keeping and to Carl who received the Evaluator’s Cup for multi-tasking between various presenting and chairing tasks with much humour. [JMcG]

17th May 2018

President Carl opened the meeting with some amusing new dictionary entries. JohnR chaired the evening, starting with Kevin who gave a fascinating insight into the origins and derivations of words used in the English language. Aron then delivered an updated version of his imminent best-man speech which will surely be well received on the day. The third speech was given by Orsolya who gave her personal insight on the pleasures of different weather seasons.

David ran the Topics session with ‘Housework’ as the theme. Speakers described recycling methods involving an imaginative use of yoghurt pots, tales of mopping up chips and cat food from the floor and dancing along merrily whilst mowing the lawn. There were stories of disaster when defrosting the fridge, attempts at washing food-caked casserole dishes to musical accompaniment and discovering a smelly plastic bag of screws whilst scraping out a badly burnt oven. We heard about the difficulties of clearing out old walkman & mini-disk players from the loft, the dubious merits of high-tech vacuum-cleaners, the perils of window-cleaning aids that don’t always work and how ironing shirts to music can be wonderfully therapeutic.

Thanks to Dorothy, Chris and Carl for evaluating and to Brian for timekeeping. [JMcG]

3rd May 2018

President Carl opened the meeting and summarised his recent activities as a judge in the Wiltshire ‘Youth Speaks’ Competition. Wendy then gave an update on the recent District Meeting and also the ASC National Conference held in York last weekend.

JohnM chaired the evening and the first speaker was Sam who described the affinity amongst motor-cyclists and how riding through the open countryside can be a beautiful experience. Sandra then explained the innermost workings of a computer’s brain, describing binary calculations in an easily understood manner. Both speeches were successful A2 assignments. Aron then practiced his wedding speech for his upcoming Best Man role and received feedback from the audience.

Jin chaired the Topics session with a theme of power and effect. We heard how hurdles aren’t necessarily a barrier and how football can either invigorate or send people to sleep. Judo was considered an opportunity to increase the health of both mind and body whist gymnastics was thought to be ‘top of the game’ and able to make one feel 10 years younger. Ping-pong apparently has a rejuvenating effect while ballet was considered to be a vocation involving much effort and some pain. Swimmers were compared with fish and we learned how different shaped tail fins can affect speed. 

President Carl presented Kevin and Sam with their A1 badges

Thanks to Brian for timekeeping and to Sue, Carl and Wendy for evaluating. Congratulations to Sandra for winning the Evaluator’s Cup.    [JMcG]

19th April 2018

President Carl welcomed us to the meeting, chaired the evening at short notice and also gave the first speech of the evening – an intriguing item relating to voodoo, healing and relaxation. He passed his A9 assignment.

This was followed by two more absorbing speeches, beginning with Kevin recalling his earliest memories in the context of world events occurring at the time. Sam then spoke about self-development and the causes of anxiety, advising remedies more satisfying than sipping martinis on the beach.

The ‘Battle of Wits’ session was chaired by JohnM and consisted of two debates. The first one related to zoos, with Kevin and Wendy laying out the arguments. The audience then joined in and the consensus was that there was a need for zoos – ideally open-planned parks – if they helped protect endangered species rather than to exist purely for entertainment.

The second debate questioned whether we are influenced by celebrities. Sam and Sandra laid out the arguments and a lively debate ensued which addressed behaviours, fashions and lifestyle issues. It was concluded that we’re all influenced by trends, whether started by celebrities or otherwise.

Thanks to the timekeeper – David, and to the evaluators – Wendy, Carl, JohnM and Dorothy. Congratulations to KevinG for winning the Evaluator’s Cup.    [JMcG]

5th April 2018

Vice President Sue welcomed us to the meeting with some humorous stories.

Brian then chaired the evening, inserting fascinating facts along the way. David gave a speech about transport, explaining how bikes and cars can influence levels of happiness and contentment. Sue then gave a riveting and emotional speech about the horrors of working on Thailand’s railway during world war 2.

Wendy chaired a lively Topics session using a theme of ‘Joy’ which prompted a tale of shopping in Bath where street entertainers enhanced a colourful springtime atmosphere. The origins of Easter were then explained, including equinoxes, goddess-eggs and how the Easter bunny started out as a hare.

There was an animated explanation of how Easter holidays should involve family activities and a suggestion to stay at home and pursue indoor activities rather than go out.

Photo of Sue presenting Brian with the Speech Contest trophy and JohnM with his A10 speech certificate.

We heard what makes people joyful, including painting and watching little birds. Digital/analogue technology was also considered a source of enjoyment if good bandwidth and 5G was available, as was a brand new car with buttons, gadgets and a distinctive smell.

Sue then presented Brian with the Speech Contest trophy and JohnM with his A10 speech certificate. (see photos)

Thanks to Brian for doubling up as timekeeper and to the evaluators – Wendy, Dorothy and JohnR. Congratulations to JohnM who was tonight’s Evaluator Cup recipient.    [JMcG]

15th March 2018

President Carl welcomed us all to the meeting and also chaired the evening which began with an informative speech from David who cleverly compared lifestyle aspects of Swindon and Cambridge with those of Copenhagen. The annual Speech Competition then took place, chaired by JohnM and won by Brian for an intriguing speech about a little-known aspect of transport. Brian will now compete in the District Competition. Sue and JohnR shared second place with entertaining speeches about curling and a house sale.

Anna chaired the Topics session using a theme of springtime which produced some imaginative ideas. We heard about how spring cleaning involves moving things around and back again, also how the jet-stream affects sports & shopping in Bath, making it a winter wonderland. Easter was considered a major springtime event – involving lots of chocolate eggs, religion and the rebirth of a new year, whereas in warmer climates springtime signals the start of ‘outdoor party’ season. There was also a humorous tale about the consequences of accidentally dropping an egg-shaped church implement in mid-swing and burning the church carpet.

Thanks to judges, Carl & Dorothy and to Anna & Carl for stepping in at short notice as chairpersons. [JMcG]

15th February 2018

Vice President Sue welcomed us all to the meeting and JohnM chaired the evening.

The main event was the annual Evaluation Competition in which competitors were required to take turns at delivering an analysis of a speech given by Brian who enlightened us all with his informed views about the pros and cons of UN peacekeepers.

We heard some excellent evaluations from the contestants and in a close-run contest the eventual winner was JohnR with Sue as the runner-up. Thanks to Chief Judge Wendy, Support Judge JohnC and Supervisor SheilaJ from Melksham SC.

After the break we heard an A10 speech from JohnM explaining how things often work better when music is involved. This was followed by an imaginative Topics session chaired by JohnC in which we were treated to some hilarious  accounts of missed opportunities, the intricacies of fake numbers littering media sites and selling a doomed house built on a nuclear power site.

Thanks to evaluators Dorothy and Chris. Congratulations to JohnR for winning the competition and to JohnM for passing his A10 assignment. And a special thanks to SheilaJ from Melksham for her help in making the evening most enjoyable.

Photo:  of Evaluation Competition winner JohnR receiving trophy from Vice President Sue

   Photo:  Evaluation Competition winner JohnR receiving trophy from Vice President Sue

1st February 2018

JohnC chaired the meeting which began with Brian giving an entertaining speech on how Screaming Lord Sutch progressed from being a flamboyant singer to founding the ‘Monster Raving Loony’ political party.  JohnC then gave an interesting C1-level speech in which he spoke impromptu on current recycling methods seen from a space travel perspective.

Carl held a workshop on how to choose subjects for speeches using a tested formula. It was very interactive and everyone learned some useful tips for use during next month’s competitions.

Dorothy ran a fun Topics session using a movie theme. We heard about Stephen Hawkins’s exercise routine, the tension involved in building the River Kwai bridge, how ‘damn’ was the final word in “Gone with the Wind” and that “Sound of Music”s real-life Maria actually appeared in the film. There were views that “Star Wars” doesn’t necessarily appeal to modern audiences, Clint Eastwood’s spaghetti westerns can send you to sleep and vampires & werewolves show we all desire a good life and a good death. We were told that an ‘AI’ female partner can make 63 guys jealous, a mop worth £50k needs a patent and that Pixar cartoon dragons make cute pets.

Thanks to the evening’s evaluators – ChrisW, JohnM and Sue and congratulations to Laura for winning the evaluator’s cup. [JMcG]

18th January 2018

Vice President Sue opened the meeting in Carl’s absence and welcomed us to the Open Mic evening which was chaired by JohnM. The opening act was Jin who gave a motivational talk about using personal energy to achieve one’s goal. Sandra followed this with a scientific demonstration of Newton’s Cradle and managed to make ‘momentum conservation’ easy to understand. Sue then gave an amusing talk on euphemisms such as kicking the bucket and pushing up daisies.

Anna recited an absorbing poem about Victory then Brian read some extracts from Spike Milligan’s novel ‘Puckoon’ about a priest and a stray match. Dorothy followed this with some amusing rhymes about bawdy plants and spaghetti roots taken from Liz Cowleys poetry book.

JohnM told some one-liner jokes then Sandra read an extract from a DH Lawrence novel. Brian also told some trues tales about Libyan war ghettos and the usefulness of his press card in sticky situations. A comedy song about workmen was performed by JohnM before Sue closed the show by reading a poem called “My Mr Gatsby”. She then put her VPs hat back on to close the meeting.

Well done to all for making the evening enjoyable … and a massive thanks to Brian for bringing along the microphones and speakers. [JMcG]

4th January 2018

President Carl welcomed us all to the first meeting of 2018 and announced his New Years Resolution. Wendy chaired the meeting, entertaining us with lots of topical items of interest. JohnM gave the first speech of the year about the benefits of music followed by Khaled who enthralled us with his stories of working around the world. Jude then gave a fascinating talk on how western Christmas celebrations compare with Muslim festivals such as Eid. She took questions afterwards and enlightened us all.

After the break the Topics session was chaired by JohnM who used a calendar theme in which the participants had to speak about various months of the year. We heard about crime, job hunting, gardening, lambs, and hair – with emphasis on the effects of the weather and an amusing speculation on how this might effect a visit from the US President. There were exotic stories of festivities in India, roaming up mountainsides, bonfires, fireworks and preparing for the seasonal sales. Lazy days by the sea contrasted with traffic jams behind muddy tractors and we were given a piece of  timely fitness advice to ‘Run Every Day’.

Thanks to the evaluators – Sheila from Melksham, Chris, Carl and JohnC and congratulations to Jude for winning the Evaluators Cup.  [JMcG]

2017 meetings

21st December 2017

Brian chaired the meeting, slotting in an array of Christmas cracker jokes. He also gave a festive speech on the origins of Christmas stockings, mistletoe, Boxing Day and Bank Holidays. His descriptions of cooked swans and peacocks soaked in saffron and butter sounded delicious but were definitely a dish of past times and no longer appropriate in today’s world. Wendy then gave an impromptu speech on the intricacies of clay-pigeon shooting, mentioning that the sport originally used live pigeons, also no longer acceptable. Both speeches were informative and enjoyable.

Dorothy gave a Topics talk on the origins of Easter, highlighting church customs and Easter’s association with the colour yellow whilst remembering to squeeze in a reference to Christmas.

Carl ran the Presidents revels session in the form of a charades-style contest with subjects including sport, world cities and famous people. The competitors were very animated in a fast and lively session in which Brian emerged victorious. Thanks to Carl for his imaginative ideas.

Merry Christmas to all.  [JMcG]

7th December 2017

JohnC chaired this evening’s meeting which began with President Carl presenting Brian with the Novels trophy, with Brian having won the competition at both club and district levels.

Chris then gave a presentation on risk taking, using the analogy of shepherds herding sheep from one field to another and analysing the various methods and their associated risks.

Brian followed with a history of ‘light’, ranging from stone-age fires through to oil pots, candles, kerosene and gas, culminating in the various forms of electric lights including halogen and diodes.

The topics session was chaired by Carl who invited the audience to promote various sports in which they were supposed experts. This led to lively renditions about playing rounders in the sunshine, the obscure rules of lacrosse, the strenuous feat of running the New York marathon and spending a fortune on polo ponies. More debatable sports were spoken of including snooker and darts, said to be for unfit sportsmen who use cigarettes and beer to boost their skills. There followed an explanation of how archery has enormous benefits in building up chest muscles, the popularity of ice-hockey in Canada and how grass bowls enhances social opportunities.

Thanks to Topics Evaluator Sue and to timekeeper Brian.   [JMcG]

16th November 2017

The meeting was chaired by JohnM and began with JohnR ‘s speech about the varying aspects of ‘dawn’  and its importance in the cycle of life. Carl followed this with a humorous speech about the effects of having too many TV programmes to choose from. We were then given a most enlightening talk from Brian unravelling the current situation in Zimbabwe drawn from his personal experiences.

Sue chaired this week’s Topics session using the theme of ‘weather’ which stimulated lots of wonderful stories and opinions ranging from drizzling rain beating into the eyes of sailors to a warning never to point at rainbows. Crunchy grass in the frost, the delights of energy stimulating sunshine and the incessant Scottish rain  were all elaborated on. We then heard about the problems of fog, including a lament over the lack of fog-lights on sheep, and this was followed by an explanation of why aeroplanes are unaffected by lightning strikes. Snow was considered fun, creating an irresistible urge to make snowballs whilst wind was for the hardy and should be harnessed more for energy. It was a very good Topics session where everyone had an opportunity to participate.

Thanks to the evaluators – Chris, Wendy, Carl and Dorothy – who was also awarded the Evaluators Cup. [JMcG]

2nd November 2017

Chris chaired the meeting which began with an amusing A1 speech by DavidD who used the life cycle of pigs to illustrate that ignorance is bliss.

Then followed the annual Topics Competition in which nine  contestants gave impromptu speeches relating to the ‘morning’. Six of them considered the morning to be a new beginning, a time for planning, relaxing over breakfast or walking the dog in the open air. The other three found mornings a bit of a challenge with one emphatically adamant that it is the worst time of the day. It was a close contest with lots of humorous content. Zoe came third with her comical nursery school theme, JohnR was second with a vivid account of flying into Africa at dawn and JohnC won with an uplifting ‘beginnings and endings’ theme peppered with words of wisdom passed down through generations.  The competition was chaired by JohnM who was also Chief Judge joined by Chris & Sue on the judging panel. Thanks to them all and to Rita our guest for bravely taking on the role of Usher.

Our resident shepherd/motivational speaker Chris gave a practice speech in the form of “9 lessons from the Good Shepherd” which summarised the secrets of achieving happiness, told in an entertaining manner.

Photo of President Carl presenting the Topics Competition winners trophy to JohnC.

President Carl then gave the General Evaluation and presented the Topics Competition winners trophy to JohnC. He also presented three A1 badges to David, Sami & Martin and the Evaluators Cup to  JohnM. 

An enjoyable evening with everyone joining in enthusiastically.  [JMcG]

19th October 2017

With President Carl being abroad Vice President Sue opened the meeting in fine style before being presented with her A5 certificate, awarded to her by the ASC. The evening continued with MartinC delivering his A1 assignment with a lively preview of a speech he is due to deliver in London early next month.

This was followed by a Topics session based on perceptions of life lived as an animal. We heard stories of long necks, multi-functional trunks, scuttling mice and vengeful fish followed by insights into the lifestyles of.race-horses, independent cats, obedient dogs and contented crocodiles. Imagination and humour was in evidence throughout.

The second half of the evening began with an evaluation followed by a preview of a Team Speech which several club members will be giving on Saturday in a Competition held at the National President’s Conference in Kegworth, Derbyshire. Feedback was positive and we wish the participants good luck as they represent our club and area.   [JMcG]

21st September  2017

Tonight’s meeting began with Sue giving her A5 speech in which she entertainingly mused over how rivers affect people’s lives in a variety of ways. Chris then gave a practice speech on sheep dog trials, giving an amusing insight into the mindset of the competing dogs.

JohnC chaired an invigorating Topics session in which everyone in the audience participated. The theme was ‘the importance of..’ and subjects included sport, maths, gardening, social media and horses with lots of intriguing and comical ideas being aired.

President Carl congratulated Sue on reaching level A5. It was an enjoyable evening and the evaluators cup was won by JohnC.  [JMcG]

13th July 2017 – Summer Extra

Usually we have a break through July and August and this was the first of our experimental meetings in the summer break, to which 9 speakers attended.

Brian stepped into the role of Chairman and very good he is too at taking on this role without prior preparation.

John N gave us a very useful presentation on how to run/chair a topics session.  If this had been an A10 masterpiece presention then I would’ve passed him as he incorporated all the skills he has learnt over the years he has been with our club, including humour, use of voice and audience participation added to the usual gestures and stance/eye contact and confidence.  We were reminded of all the good ideas to incorporate into a topics session including how to encourage everyone to have a go but not feel pressure.

I understand he is going to make a hard copy of his ideas and I look forward to that as a useful tool.

Next Ben delivered his A6 – Vocabulary and word Pictures with the very interesting subject of Hadrian’s Wall.  It is interesting for us all to see how this speaker develops each time he stands up.  When John N evaluated him was able to point out what worked well and some tips on how to improve.  It was a good evaluation from John and we all learnt from it.

The next speech was very informative about Alcoholics Anonymous, though the speaker cleverly didn’t reveal that until he was halfway through his speech which was intriguingly entitled Bill & Bob.  A very good speech which had originally been delivered as his icebreaker some years ago.

Sophie ably and bravely chaired the Topics having prepared it before hearing John’s advice on how to do it.  She had prepared pictures like camping, policemen, airplane, flag on moon and penguins which gave plenty of opportunity to develop stories. Every one had a go some even twice!

Sandra T was launched into time keeper role and found out, as we all have, that though this role seems easy there is more to it than meets the eye.  Well done.

At the end of the evening we got a volunteer to run the next topics session and 3 members wanting to do a speech.

I would call that a pretty successful evening by any standard.


15th June 2017

The final scheduled meeting in the club calendar was chaired by JohnR and included the Novels Competition and the President’s Revels.

The Novels Competition was chaired by JohnM and was won by Brian for his science fiction story called “Who Dies”, in which he used an intriguing time travel theme relating to JFK. The runner-up was JohnR with his story called “10,300 Feet” which was a drama concerning the forced landing of an aircraft during bad weather. Both contestants go forward to the next round where they will compete with other clubs in the district.

Photo of Club President Carl presenting Brian with his winners certificate.
Club President Carl presenting Brian with his winners certificate.

The second half of the evening featured the’ President’s Revels’, a long-standing tradition in which the outgoing Club President chairs a fun session where members of the audience compete in a speech-related game. Tonight, Wendy chose the BBC’s “Just a Minute” idea which encouraged much interaction and good-natured interventions on subjects ranging from favourite sports and holidays to worst hotels and how to spend mid-summers day.

Thanks to everyone for participating in a lively evening. Although this was the final meeting in the calendar there are further opportunities to meet up at the two ‘Summer  Extra’ sessions and at Wendy’s party. [ JMcG] 

1st June 2017

Tonight’s meeting consisted of the AGM followed by a Topics session.

The evening kicked off with Wendy – our outgoing President – presenting A5 certificates to Ben and JohnR as one of her final duties in what has been a very successful year. Minutes of the AGM will be available in due course.


The Investiture ceremony taking place with the badge of office and regalia being handed over to Carl, the new Club President



The Investiture ceremony then took place with the badge of office and regalia being handed over to Carl, our new Club President.

New president Carl with past president Weny



Orsolya chaired the evening’s Topics session using a ‘Day in the life’ theme with mainly inanimate objects.

We heard about how a Union Flag spends its days flapping around proudly on the roof of Buckingham Palace. Then there was a kettle which sits around all day waiting to be turned on, when it gets all steamed up and whistles. Light switches apparently involve a pecking order, ranging from a lowly wall-switch or dimmer-switch to glamorous computerised models.

We were told of a unicorn which started life as a Prince and progressed to shepherding and we felt sorry for a frying pan which constantly had its bottom scraped to rid it of egg, whilst bacon just slithered off painlessly. The final offering was a sandbag which was a hero, being stuffed with sand, stitched up and then thrown into the path of flood waters.

Thanks to all for contributing to an enjoyable and productive evening. [JMcG]

18th May 2017

Dorothy came super prepared as chair person but had to practically start again as the agenda was pretty fluid.  It was difficult for her but she coped very well and did a good job.

Both Sandra Trusty and Ade sent apologies that they wouldn’t be there to do their speeches.
No matter Sandra Stewart had come prepared to do her A1 and in Ben’s absence Sue Illet volunteered to evaluate.
John Reynolds stepped up to do his A5 speech – a very entertaining tale of how to take off in a Boeing 747 in a blizzard. George Jacko evaluated.
Jin raced in late and out of breath to do her A5 but failed to make us see effective use of voice.

4th May 2017

Chris chaired the meeting which needed a reshuffle of the agenda following the absence of two key speakers. The first half featured Jo who gave us a preview of a presentation which she will deliver at the Paramedics International Conference next week. It was warmly received by the audience who were invited to provide advice and feedback on the presentation aspects, coordinated by Chris.

The Topics session was chaired by Sophia who chose modes of transport as the theme. She provided fascinating connecting links concerning unusual items such as magnetic levitating trains and secret aeroplane bedrooms.

The participants told of an innovative plan to produce solar-powered rickshaws with coolie backup motors and speculated on an executive Easyjet flight to visit exotic creatures in the Amazon.

There were thoughts about the possibility of travelling to Nigeria by hovercraft to allow passengers to see sights along the way. It was then suggested that we might hold the next Topics session on a train whilst enjoying strawberries and champagne. One speaker considered taxis to be too expensive and preferred walking while another yearned to ride in a hot-air balloon – while drinking champagne – having watched several glide past her bedroom window.

Thanks to the evening’s evaluators – JohnN and Prakash.  [ JMcG] 

20th April 2017

Carl chaired the meeting and shared some fascinating facts before providing a website update.

Jo gave a presentation to prepare for an upcoming event in her professional environment. It was well delivered and served as her icebreaker assignment. Carl then gave an interesting speech on motivation during which he amused us with some most amusing quotations. Ben then spoke about the over-usage of scooters in Vietnamese cities, giving us an intriguing insight into that country’s erratic transport culture.

JohnN took the floor to chair the ‘Battle of Wits’ session which required two teams of three to promote the merits of foreign holidays versus UK holidays. A second ‘battle’ featured paper books. versus ebooks and then the team captains held a fast-paced 1-minute shootout over whether fishing or darts would make the best new Olympic sport.

SandraT chaired the Topics session using a theme of unusual jobs during which we heard about  queueing professionally for tickets, the duties of a Listening Officer and cleaning the windows of London’s Gherkin building with a feather duster. There was great excitement whilst describing the duties of a water-slide tester and much curiosity about the role of a ‘face feeler’. The session ended with some imaginative perceptions concerning the Queen’s bagpiper sitting around all day smoking a pipe.

Jo received her A1 badge from Wendy at the end of what was a varied and entertaining session. [JMcG]

6th April 2017

This was a great meeting.

Tony (secretary)  has started to hand out the apologies to be read by members who have no specific speaking roles. This seems to work very well.   We had a lot of apologies and yet still a packed room.  As far as I can tell John McG, stuck in the snowy wastelands of Canada was the best apology of the night.

We were delighted to get a visitors from Melksham Speakers Club – Sheila, Kath and Anne and they all got a go at topics and it was great to see them.

Brain volunteered for the role of Chair as Carl was unable to be there and he did a great job of running the evening, sorting out the fluid agenda to take account of those we thought would be there but at the last minute couldn’t make it and those clever soles who come prepared to speak in case of such eventualities. He kept us on time and littered the evening with little stories about Easter.

We had an A5 (Use of Voice) from Ben with the great title A Sea of Scooters which turned out to be about Vietnam and Hanoi and is a great choice of subject for use of voice. This was an A5 of 2 parts and we look forward to part 2 next time.

John Crawford delivered an encouraging evaluation which we were all also able to learn from.

John Reynolds fresh from 3 months away in the States and holiday gave us his A4(use of gestures) – Quite an Adventure – and boy was it ever. We were literally transported to Antarctica by his use of word pictures, gestures and use of voice – there we were kyaking with more than 50 whales in the frozen waters and being pecked by penguins and listening to the silence (it is not silent) of the frozen wasteland.

This was beautifully evaluated by Sue, it was her first!!! She thought she was going to evaluate an A1 but it got changed to the A4 at the last minute. She stepped up to the plate and delivered in fine form.

Prakash gave us a great topics session – everyone who had not spoken yet had a go. Well done all.

Sue won the evaluators cup.

Justine was presented with her ASC badge – She did her A1 at our Charter Dinner in front of not just us but also our National President – Neil Harvey and was evaluated by our National Development Officer – Lindsey Dutch – none of us have had that honour and we are very proud that she did it.

Looking forward to our next meeting on 20th April when there are sure to be more great speeches and also a Battle of Wits Topics session.

Happy Easter,


16th March 2017

Brian chaired the meeting and shared a host of fascinating facts.

Sophia gave an intriguing speech about rising to life’s challenges outside one’s comfort zone, followed by Ade who gave a revealing insight into family life in Nigeria where her mother was raised. Brian then gave us a sneak preview of his competition speech… (still under wraps). 

Wendy  presenting Sophia & Sandra with their A1 badges
Wendy presenting Sophia & Sandra with their A1 badges

Wendy  presented Sophia & Sandra with their A1 badges (see photo). 

Dan chaired the Topics session, asking participants to talk about an animal beginning with a letter from A-Z, picked at random. We were told of Mice pollinating the garden, Voles swimming in rivers and a free-range hen named X. There was an odd Qwerty bird which flies with planes yet likes to mate with its partner on top of a keyboard, whilst Elephants in the savannah help with the washing by squirting out water from their trunks.

We heard about the cuteness of Lemurs and how a colourful Aardvark might make a great family pet. Prakash chose letter ‘I’ and suggested that he himself could be someone’s pet and would be easy to look after. We were told that Squirrels also make great pets, putting you in a good mood yet need no looking after.

The evening’s evaluators were Carl, JohnC, Jin and Dorothy who presented Dan with the Evaluators Cup. [JMcG]

2nd March 2017

The first of tonight’s speeches was given by SandraT who spoke about decision making, finding a purpose and when to ask ‘why?’. William then spoke about the Rite of Passage, sharing an insight into post-natal customs and child naming processes across the world. The evening’s chairman – JohnN – then announced an impromptu team debate on the merits of modern pop music, which provided a very entertaining interlude.

Brian chaired a varied Topics session during which we heard about crusty-bread made in an empty kitchen, milk in all its forms enjoyed at breakfast and the dubious delights of ketchup, which prompted much feedback from the audience. We were told of a lady who keeps a jelly mould-making machine in her garden shed and were advised how to deal with flirtatious Frenchmen with garlic-scented breath. After hearing some fascinating facts about beetle insects and Beatle musicians we were told that the best way to enjoy the water of life is to sail on a yacht with a toy boy.

The evaluators in what was another fun evening were Jin, Wendy, JohnM and JohnC who presented Jin with the evaluators cup. [JMcG]

16th February 2017

Tonight was the annual Evaluation Competition which was deservedly won by Wendy, with Carl as the runner-up. JohnN gave the ‘target’ speech talking about the Island of Madeira.

Picture shows AndyG presenting Evaluation trophy to Wendy).

A big thanks to AndyG, a Past President and founder member who was the Chief Judge, assisted by JohnM & Dorothy. JohnC chaired the contest with Brian and Chris taking on the roles of supervisor, usher & timekeeper. Well done to the competitors who all excelled in a close contest where the standard was high. (Picture shows AndyG presenting Evaluation trophy to Wendy).

William chaired the Topics session, using a box of items which were ‘up for sale’ with participants required to give sales pitches. Items included a sports car which was found to be too low, a toy dog cocooned in a plastic cage which was difficult to clean, and a redundant frying-pan whose owner already had two of them. We were also tempted by a teapot which apparently would change our lives by providing tea-culture medication. A Barbie doll then appeared, all ready to party, followed by a fully functioning stroboscope light from an old television show. A lively Topics session with variety and humour.

An enjoyable evening centred around evaluation but also most entertaining. [JMcG]

2nd February 2017

Wendy chaired tonight’s meeting, starting with a presentation to JohnC of his well-earned ASC level 10 certificate (see photo).

presentation to JohnC of his well-earned ASC level 10 certificate (see photo).

Sue followed with her A4 speech, giving an entertaining insight into her amusing experiences as a lifelong cycling enthusiast.

Prakash then gave a persuasive A3 speech describing how the pursuit of purpose is a worthwhile aim. The first half of the meeting included an education workshop (given by JohnM) on ‘Evaluation’, a role sometimes misunderstood and not always relished.

Dorothy chaired the Topics session using a ‘colour’ theme, having brought a blue beret with her to set the scene – and to hold the tickets. We heard about blue skies, a noisy red fox, red sunsets and the pagan spring rebirth festival. Fashion items included pink shoes and gold-leaf jewellery with a suggestion that they could be paid for with the ‘pink pound’. There was a brief history of the colour green’s role in the British racing industry, its use as an international ‘go’ signal and being the colour of tikka masala in Asia. Food items also included chocolate, apple-crumble and a nutrition-tree. Dorothy linked everything together with some unusual facts about all the colours selected.

The evening’s Evaluators were Carl, Ben, JohnC and JohnM who presented the Evaluator’s Cup to Dorothy. [JMcG]

19th January 2017

Tonight’s meeting began with an A4 speech given by Jin who talked about the many forms of rejection and how will-power can help overcome them.

Dan then gave an A1 speech about enjoying the present and looking to the future. Ade followed this with her A1 speech about public speaking and how encouragement helps overcome reservations. Three good speeches with a motivational theme.

Photo of Steph, Ade & Dan presented with their badges by JohnM
Steph, Ade & Dan were presented with their badges by JohnM.

Brian ran the Topics session using a ‘what if’ scenario which required the audience to elaborate on a range of contentious ideas ranging from the language of love, co-habiting pre-marriage, disposable nappies, organ donation, upper-age driving limits and green burials …not necessarily in that order! We then heard couple of interesting introductions from two welcome guests before the session concluded with an item about ill-fitting shoes and bodies discovered in a serial killer’s garden.

JohnC chaired the meeting and stood in for President Wendy who was in demand elsewhere. The evening’s evaluators were JohnM, Dorothy, JohnC (again) and JohnN as General Evaluator who presented the evaluators cup to SandraT. It was an enjoyable meeting in which everyone had a turn at the lectern. [JMcG]

5th January 2017

The New Year started with our traditional Open Mic evening. Microphones and speakers were kindly provided by Brian, with a short training session on how to make best use of them.

The acts included comedy, story-telling, a musical item, poetry and book readings.

We heard about how wisdom is the nicest gift, how no risks equals no gain and how sheep-shearing provides unexpected cosmetic benefits. Christmas cracker jokes were much in evidence plus some more up-market offerings involving West Wing, Sherlock Holmes and horse manure. Amusing anecdotes were told involving a persistent salesman, a flatulent music lover and an item about ducks & eagles.

We were treated to some amusing schooldays anecdotes and heard about the numerous talents bestowed upon women, with the balance later redressed by tales of constipation and the need for a man with big hands. JohnN provided a musical interlude, entertaining us with a couple of traditional songs played on his ukelele. The evening was chaired by JohnM who also did some comedy and bar-room jokes.

Thanks to all the performers and to the audience for providing support and encouragement which was much appreciated. [JMcG]